What Everyone Ought to Know About Grief
greif | grēf |
deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death: She was overcome with grief
There is no precisely-correct way to live life. Life has many paths that can lead your life to fulfillment, success, and happiness. Every individual on this planet usually guides themselves along these paths with the support of a mentor, a piece of writing, or some form of guidance they use to drive them. Unfortunately, there is never one that always has ALL the answers. Fortunately, with every obstacle we hurdle, knock over, or take control of then there is also an opportunity to learn from it so that we maybe keep moving forward the next time we face it. Sometimes the advice come across clicks and sometimes the information takes a minute to sink in. Eventually everything will come together as tomorrow and perhaps one year from you will have the “AHA” moment. You just need to keep on searching and never stop believing.
This past week we discovered a podcast that shared an inspirational message about dealing with grief. "The RobCast" is a weekly podcast by Rob Bell who recently interviewed David Kessler. He is an expert on healing and loss and has worked closely with Louise Hayes, a motivational author who believes Illness is an indicator of your emotional state caused by your thoughts and focus. When David first met Louise he told her it was clear they were not going to be friends because of their frequent disagreements. In the podcast he tells the listeners she responded, "clearly with this much energy we are.” This dialogue is an excellent example of perception and how there will always more than one experience. David said working in a hospice made him realize that we do not live forever.
In the podcast David shares a story about a woman who went to a small village. When someone dies then that night everyone has to move something in their home and lawn. David asked her why and she said because there is an experience for the family to wake up the next morning and see everything has changed. Our whole world has been shattered and it gives permission to grieve.
When you allow yourself to grieve that pain will come up and so will old wounds. This emotion then becomes an opportunity to go back in time to heal old wounds and negative patterns. Now becomes a time of healing. Grief is a connection; Kessler says, “we grieve those we like, those we love, and those we hate.” For example, you will grieve that father who abused you but you also have to go back and grieve that archetype of the ideal father that never was. In other words, the grief of the father who never was the father to you.
At the end of life what matters is love. We get to have a life review in third person. Not as flash memories. David Kessler continues on to say that judgment becomes full disclosure of who we are and who we've been. This circles back to acceptance in grief. "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Suffering is what our mind does with the pain. The stories we make up. That we are too old or not good enough or perhaps too young. The pain of our love one dying will always be painful but what our mind does with it will cause suffering.
David Kessler believed he was a victim and his mom abandoned him although she died of cancer when he was young. This is what his mind made up. You will notice in my writing I speak about the ego. This is the ego causing suffering. We are not our thoughts and you must always remember that. Do not entertain those thought patterns. Keep on choosing everyday to continue along the path that works best for you. The one that is always positive; follow that one
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